The Art of Going Backwards
DO ME A FAVOR: think back to the last time when you felt that not-so-nice anxious fluttering in your belly, that slight but insistent tapping that was trying to deliver an important, subtle message that something was up. Like me, you probably didn't even notice it at first — like some far off noise that integrates itself into whatever dream you're having, and only slowly do you realize it wasn't background noise at all.
I found myself this past July completely and utterly depleted. Spring had left me feeling high and exactly where I wanted to be: I had cultivated my energy, community, and space in such a way that I felt incredibly supported and moving forward with some serious cheetah speed (for Spaceball fans, I felt like I had gone plaid). But then I did something that I didn't think was a big deal, and it totally was, and I want to give you the abridged version of what went down.
I took a big step backwards.
It all seemed for the right reasons (and some of you may not see the big deal here, but stick with me). I was offered a short-term freelance job in my old career field. I really liked the people and the product, and it seemed like a nice way to have it all: keeping one foot in the familiar, purposely creating some financial abundance in my life. I'd have fun with it. But I didn't have fun, and it was totally my fault.
You see, I had moved on so completely that I didn't know it. I had designed a life with purpose, helping others and using the gifts that came easily, and it had changed me. But when my gig came to an end, I felt like a fraud. This was no longer who I was on a deep, value-driven level. It wasn't connected to helping others to live a kickass life, to create a space where I was constantly inspired by the change that and my clients were making in the world. And you know what: it was the BIGGEST GIFT I've received in the past year. So, in mid-July the project wrapped and I was OUT. I traveled for a month-and-a-half just to reset and reconnect. Los Angeles, Vienna, Corinthia, Italy, Croatia, Slovenia. My god, Slovenia. People, go see it: it's like someone turned a story book upside-down and a country fell out. Croatia was like Mount Olympus by the Sea. Italy was...well, Italy (I need not say more).
And, my lovely Austria, how I missed you. I connected with old friends who I hadn't seen in 15 years, new friends, and saw others off on new chapters of their life. And, slowly, something sparked.
I got super clear that the work I was doing was connected to this cyclical journey I found myself on: reconnecting to my essential self, getting clear on the stories I was telling myself that was keeping me disconnected, and then putting a plan together to get me THAT THING. And guess what: you're next. If what I just wrote made you sit up in your chair a little, I have good news: I'm putting together a kickass program that is exactly for you, and you're going to flip when you see it. You're going to be getting really clear on what it is that makes you light up, then we're going to see why you don't have this thing already (Pro Tip: it's not why you think you don't have it), and then we're going to unpack a serious plan to create this for you. And we're going to THEN see what's really stopping you, because guess what: it's going to rear it's ugly head right then and there, and we're going to take our Whack-a-Mole mallet to it.
I can't wait to show you guys. I'm in the thick of it at the moment, but it's on its way, and I have this breakdown to thank for it. It got me on the straight and narrow and catapulted me forward. Because, sometimes when you take a few steps back, it's so beyond clear what's next.